Unity happens to be one of the major problems plaguing the black community. If we are to unite on all fronts, then what is standing in our way? I will not propose a “problem then solution bit.” I will dive directly into the problem of no unity in black social behavior and having first a firm understanding of what at least one of our problems are, which is unity. Vulnerability – we as black people, struggle with being vulnerable with one another, break ourselves into fragments and social groups which we think best represents us. We also turn a collective into a fractional battle between religion, gender, intelligence, and other varying degrees of social structure. No matter how much we chant and post on social media about unification being our problem, UNIFICATION is still our problem. Our progress is slow and met with adversity, not only from where it is expected, but also from within our own social hubs.
Not exclusive to us, we have a fear of not being worthy of connection, but what is at the core of our connectivity? What I’ve found is that for those people who feel worthy of connection, they have attributes that stand out, which are the three C’s: Courage, Compassion, and Connection.
- Courage– they have the courage to be imperfect.
- Compassion– they have the compassion to treat themselves with kindness and then others
- Connection– through courage they have the ability to authentically connect with others and be seen for their imperfections.
These people who have a strong sense of love, belonging, and self-worthiness also understand the importance of vulnerability. To be vulnerable enough to try a new career path with no guarantees, or be vulnerable enough to initiate sex for the first time, to say I love you back or take a chance on something without knowing its outcome. They have gauged that every meaningful and lasting interaction first begins with a degree of vulnerability. But for many us, we don’t know what this is or how we all struggle with it. There are primarily four ways in which we struggle with being vulnerable.
- We numb it– we use drugs or partake in risky behavior like random sex or incurring debt, and over eating. But we cannot selectively numb ourselves. When we do this we also numb joy and gratitude as well as happiness. Every emotion we have has an equal yet opposite emotion and we become miserable looking for purpose and meaning repeating a dangerous cycle.
- Certainty– we make everything uncertain, certain. This, in which we aren’t sure of, we make defined decisions on a “begin to blame anything” pattern that causes us to think that there may be other perspectives. Much like religion, politics and information/intelligence, we combat anything that goes against our current views.
- Pretend– we pretend or claim certain things that may or may not be true. We also pretend that certain decisions we make don’t effect others around us.
- Prefect– we begin to perfect things, like body modifications, hair, clothes, our children, our partners.
We as a collective have to begin with ourselves, one day at a time, and one aspect at a time. We have to learn that in order for us to become truly united under one banner or under one umbrella with manner banners, we first have to begin with being vulnerable with each other. We have to know that at the core of courage, compassion, and connection is a small amount of openness. Black people have to learn what it means to be wholehearted, happy and connected. So everyday we must let ourselves be seen (deeply seen) by our peers, lean into gratitude, learn to be joyous, know that YOU ARE ENOUGH – then be kind and gentle. First to yourself and then to others.
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